


Big Boys Don't Cry

by MsMusic



Series: VLD Presents [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith and Shiro are Siblings, Korean Keith (Voltron), Minor Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pre-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 02:55:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10527378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMusic/pseuds/MsMusic
Summary: Keith learned from a very young age that letting yourself feel pain is never good for anyone. The loss of a loved one can hurt like a bitch if you let it. So he didn't. He just let it all wash over him and moved on.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work I posted online and I'm super proud!  
> (Note that this fic was written and posted pre-seasons three.)  
> Hope you enjoy!

The last time Keith cried was when he lost his mom. He was maybe ten when she died. She was beautiful. Tall for an Asian woman, but her mother's family had always been tall. She was mostly Korean but she had some Japanese heritage from her father's side, which was where she got the last name Kogane. She was never technically married to Keith’s father, an American man with whom Keith was never close. When Keith lost his mom he lost everything. He swore that he would never hurt again, that he wouldn't let himself feel that pain again. And he didn't. 

His father remarried, of course. His new wife was Japanese. She actually looked a lot like Keith's mom. He was pretty sure it wasn't a coincidence, but he didn't say anything. He had a stepbrother now, but they never met, at least not in person. They video chatted every once in awhile, but he was nearly eight years older than him and a member of the Galaxy Garrison, so they weren't close. 

And then he lost his father. He didn't cry. He could've. But he didn't. He'd sworn. Never again. They never got along anyway. They didn't even share a last name. 

He joined the Garrison. He told himself it was to do some good, but really he was just trying to get away. He was a natural. Top of his class for two years. 

Then his brother went missing. He was on a science mission to one of Pluto's moons when it happened. They chalked it up to pilot error. Keith knew it was bullshit, but there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't cry. They hardly spoke. They never even really met for Christ sake. No, Keith didn't cry. 

He developed an attitude problem. He got expelled. 

Keith lived out on his own. He could've moved back with his stepmom. Probably should have. She’d just lost her son. But he didn't. He liked being on his own, away from it all. It was peaceful. 

Then he got his brother back. He could've let himself feel it, feel tears of joy fall at the revelation that he doesn't have to be alone anymore. But he didn't. Sure, Keith was happy Shiro was back, but it didn't really hit him all that much, or at least he wouldn't let it. This was the first time they'd even met face to face, it wasn't like they were close. So he didn't feel anything. 

Then suddenly everything changed when they were whisked off to outer space. Keith, Shiro, and three other kids from the Garrison. And it was exciting. And maybe he thought one of them, Lance, was kinda cute. Which was new. And Lance hit on pretty much every girl they met. Which was upsetting. Keith didn't want to talk about it. He couldn't. Who would he talk to? He didn't think the Alteans would understand. He wasn't friends with Hunk or Pidge, and he and Shiro weren't that close yet. It scared him. He couldn't tell anyone but he couldn't deal with it alone. So he decided to let it go. Just not deal with it at all. And it hurt. And he didn't cry. No matter how much he wanted to. 

Over time, Keith and the others grew closer. Particularly him and Shiro. Being stranded on a planet together will do that. 

And then, Keith saw that symbol. The same one that was on his own blade. And he didn't know what to do. He was scared. Sure, he and the others were closer but could he really tell them this? He would sit in his room and stare at it, as though if he looked close enough he could find the answers. He thought a lot about the secrets he kept. He wouldn't cry though. He couldn't do that.

Then he found out the truth. That he was part Galra. And it was hard to take in. But he had Shiro there. And for the first time, he really felt like he had someone he could lean on; he even called him a brother for the first time. The others didn't all take it so well. Hunk tried, which was better than nothing, even if it was a bit problematic at times. Like he hadn't already heard all the same remarks made about his human ethnicity a million times before. Pidge was quick to accept him. Keith guessed that with her own secrets and struggles with acceptance, she could understand what he needed. Lance seemed okay with it, which wasn't much, but it was enough. Coran struggled, but he at least wasn't outright antagonistic toward him, which was more than he could say for Allura. She hated him. Someone he considered a friend. For something that wasn't even his fault. He had to try really hard to stay strong. It stung. A lot. But no matter how much he felt the stabbing pain in his chest, he wouldn't cry. 

She eventually got over herself and they became friends again. Then came the big battle. It was intense. So many things could have gone wrong. A fair amount did. But in the end, somehow, they won. Keith could not have felt more relieved. Until he saw Shiro through his view screen. Not moving. They pulled his lion back to the ship. Keith could feel his facade begin to crack. He was panicking. The second they got out of harm's way, he bolted for the black lion. He was the first one to the cockpit when the doors opened. 

Shiro was gone. 

One by one, they all filed out of the black lion. Pidge was the first one to leave, running out in a fit of tears. Allura and Coran were next. Hunk followed. Lance stayed with Keith for a moment. He put his hand on Keith’s shoulder briefly before leaving as well. Keith just stood there in a stunned silence. He thought about what Shiro said about him being the new leader. He took a deep breath. He didn't cry. 

When Keith returned to the other paladins, he took charge best he could. He found Pidge hiding somewhere on the ship. He held her as she wept, fearing that she just lost another person she considered her family. Keith just stayed with her, comforted her. He somehow managed to convince her to start scanning the black lion for evidence as to what happened. Hunk was on the verge of giving up, feeling that without Shiro, all hope was lost. Keith managed to bring his spirits up somewhat, convince him that they would find Shiro no matter what. Lance lashed out, which was to be expected. He didn't particularly want to take charge, but he couldn't help but dispute Keith’s claim to leadership. He even tried to bring up Keith’s alien heritage as a reason not to trust him as their leader. It hurt. That was crossing a line and they all knew it, no matter how distraught they were. But Keith kept his cool and told Lance that he wouldn't have to deal with him for very much longer. They would get Shiro back, and then he was as good as gone. And Keith walked out. 

He felt the weight of it all as he made his way back to his room. He didn't know why he thought this could work. He was better off on his own. Shiro had asked him to lead in his absence and that was what he was going to do. And the second Shiro was back, Keith would be out. He would be alone again. Who was he kidding, he was already alone. He barely even realized he had reached his room until he heard the door close behind him. And he was all alone. Always alone. 

He punched the wall. It hurt. He did it again. He felt the rage bubble up inside him as he began to trash the room. He tossed shelves, he threw clothing, he shattered whatever he could. He broke down. Everything hit him at once. The deaths of his parents. His expulsion from the Garrison. His sexuality. His heritage and the hatred that came with it. The loss of his brother, now twice. The pressure to lead, to uphold Shiro’s wishes, when he knew he wasn't right for the job. He yelled and cursed as he tore the room apart. 

He didn't even notice Lance had walked in until he turned around and bumped right into him. Lance tried to calm him down as he fought and screamed like some kind of child. He kicked and struggled, but Lance just held on until… Keith fell into his arms. 

And for the first time in nearly eight years, Keith cried.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked my little angsty Keith fic! It's the first in my series VLD Presents. You can check out the other fics in the series and/or check out this story's companion fic "Stay With Me". Also please leave comments telling me what you thought, I'd love to hear some feedback. :)


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